Forget the Space Race, We Got Us a Race for Bigfoot

And it is bigfootery gold.

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To the Skeptics That Ask Why Bigfoot is Never Hit By Vehicles

They are.  But evidently, they are tough, darn tough.

MattMoneymaker1Matt Moneymaker

Our scout Tyler Bounds (WA-BFRO) hit a bigfoot last night (round 2AM) while driving near High Knob VA.  Vehicle damaged but no blood, hair.

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We’re conjecturing it went something like this:

Matty:  Tyler, WTF dude, you damaged the rental SUV.

Tyler:  Well dad, you know there are squatches in those woods.

Matty:  Oh absolutely, is it time to say that again?

Tyler:  No, the fourteenth take was perfect.  But, ummm, I hit a bigfoot last night while out dutifully scouting for squatchy places.

Matty:  So those big dents are from a squatch, although there is no blood or hair?

Tyler: Yep.

Matty:  And that one big half circle dent means the squatch had a thigh that was over four feet tall and 40″ round?

Tyler: Uhh, Yep.

Matty:  Ok, I can buy that.

Tyler:  Thanks dad, you’re the biggest and best.

Matty: (ruffles Tyler’s hair) – I know.  Now fetch me a cold drink and make it snappy.

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A Few Things We Hate, and Love, About Bigfootery Social Media

Three things we hate:

1. Way too much content.  Between Twits, Facebookers and Youtubin bigfooters, one could spend far too many hours a day reading it all.  We don’t care  where you are getting your tacos, that your favorite sports team won or your next bigfootery promotion.
2. It is yet another entry point and soap box for folks that know little but speculate and BS more.  More churn resulting in expert du mois.
3. Throwing up a website or promotional site becomes easier, this leads to awful spots like the Facebook bigfoot page.  These charlatans act like experts and have identified a startling gross of legit bigfoot videos.

Three things we love:

1. One can reconnect with people long-lost and it is an easy way to communicate.
2. For some reason people can get quite crass and really put some heat to each other.  This can often result in bigfootery gold.
3. Some of the carnival barkers cannot help but make pronouncements as part of their ongoing need and wish to gather attention, promote and generally favor us all with their knowledge.  This can also lead to bigfootery gold.

As a case in point we quote a twit from Frisch’s Big Boy, aka Matt Moneymaker:

While #FindingBigfoot in Cache County UT #BFRO got definite return howls in a canyon E of Logan on 11/29. Sobe Bomb is legit! It’s a squatch.

Here’s the bigfootery gold of this particular statement.  Big Boy is wrong, he obviously watched a lower resolution version of the video, was overcome with squatch fever or is carnival barking – or any combination of all three.  In higher resolution the grey blob is a kid in a v-neck shirt.  The Facebook bigfoot folks did the same pronouncing multiple points of confirming evidence(their words not ours).  Beyond another Moneymaker misidentification there is this.   When this episode of Finding Bigpuffery (dba Finding Bigfoot) airs will they reverse stream and show/tell the truth?  Is it too late in the production process to change what is surely a warm endorsement of the film?  Do they even care, or will they just shove more crap down the wire?  Shades of the Ga cop cam episode.  Even if they get it right for the show, ol’Matty is again endorsing something as the real deal that is clearly not.  More CROW for the FRO.  Here’s the better quality clip, kids don’t be getting any ideas:

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For the Want of a Testable Hypothesis

Frisch’s Big Boy is reporting that the DNA study paper by Ketchup has been kicked back for the lack of a testable hypothesis.  This is one of the few times when we think Ol’Mathew might be correct and not blowing smoke.  There’s definitely some conflict between some of the principles purportedly involved in the study and Big Boy so it could be wishful desire for a fail but we think not.  The paper had an uphill battle, penned by a DVM and attempting to prove a biological entity with no specimen and lacking other clear evidence.  The only glimmer of hope is that the study would be peer-reviewed outside the realm of bigfootery.

As we talked about this development around the BFE virtual water cooler we attempted to come up with an idea for a hypothesis that might be testable.  One must understand the underpinnings of most of the staff around here, engineers deal with testable hypothesis that are practical and a bit mundane.  Questions like will this fail under the following environmental factors?,  can this design attain __X__ levels of performance, things like that.  We are certainly not the best suited to deal with DNA, pure academic science or biology.  But those factors rarely inhibit greater bigfootery, so here goes.

Hypothesis:

A sample of DNA collected from contemporary primates across the United States (the submitted samples) will exhibit greater variation than DNA from historical native americans.

The reason we thought this would be a good null hypothesis is that intuitively one would think it provable.  If it was not provable, then one has to consider the sample and how variation is similar or less than those of native americans, especially with a wide geographic representation.  What we are getting at is the idea that if there are sasquatch their mobility, shall we say their mating range,  is far less than modern humans and closer to historical native americans.

And that’s that.  We admit a lack of biological and academic science, so shoot us down if you wish.  Maybe there is a thread that someone could tease into something better than what we put forth.  If you want to build something, we can probably be of more  help.

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Finding Bigpuffery (aka Finding Bigfoot) Idol

Tonight an offering of a free idea for the producers of Finding Bigpuffery.  And as we are apt to say, it is worth every penny.

The town hall-style meeting is becoming a mainstay of the show.  It provides a nice introduction to a few of the characters that become the focus of the episode, the so called locals, and we are not speaking of Powell’s Locals.  Like American Idol, it is a cattle call for talent.  Some of that talent is cultivated well before the town hall event, but a shill is a mainstay of bigfootery, no surpise there.  But some of that talent is not cultivated, it simply shows up and takes advantage of an open meeting.  One can count on at least one, if not a hand-full, of goof balls showing up and adding their own particular and peculiar flavor to the event.  Sadly, those folks are edited out, casualties of trying to trim the fringe off of a clearly fringe interest.

So, the idea is this.  One already has the footage of these eccentrics in the can and some footage of the reactions of the cast and other attendees as they were subjected to these folks.  Why not use it in the way that Idol uses the failed auditions?  With just some more production time, one would certainly have an entertaining extra episode without the extensive costs of going to an extra locale.  We suggest another bonus episode exclusively made up of the goof balls that came, talked and had us scratching our head and chuckling quietly from the back of the room.  Who knows, bigfootery’s William Hung could be born by Finding Bigpuffery, perhaps even a spin-off.

You’re welcome for the content idea, and on second thought we will call it intellectual property so get in contact if you want to negotiate.

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