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Archive for March, 2009

bigfootresearcher Carnie S Abarker

Dateline: Harrisburg, PA.  3/3/09

Earlier today Carnie S Abarker, famous bigfoot researcher, noted merchandiser of all things sasquatch and a member of the school board in an “undisclosed location” , appeared before the Pa. House Select Committee on School Effectiveness to advocate a change in state curriculum requirements.  Abarker proposed that all school children receive training in peddling skills as part of the vocational component that all high school students undergo.

“Kids need to learn how to peddle stuff like booklets, videos and trinkets if they want to thrive as a noted bigfoot researcher”, said Carnie.  “They should know all the skills I use, especially hyping, hawking and self promotion”, he continued.  He implored to the committee, “Look at me, I’m getting old and can only re-release the same old material five times, we need to prepare the next generation to carry on the tradition of sasquatch scammers; they are going to need to learn these skills to supplement their menial jobs, if they have one at all”.  His comments were met with a mixture of skepticism and giggles.

Carnie Abarker did get some needed support later in the day.  Sal A Lemon, of the US Association of Used Car Salesmen, issued a press release later in the day advocating the ideas put forth by Abarker.  It read, in part, the used car salesmen association supports the sasquatch scammers in their drive to get peddling introduced as part of the school curriculum.  These guys share our values and sales tactics and our hats are off to anyone who can sell that kind of stuff with a clean conscience, truly we are cut from that same great american cloth.

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