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Archive for July, 2010

In an unprecedented demonstration of cooperation in bigfootery, the BFE, associates, stringers and various hangers-on recently completed an expedition to an unnamed area in the Appalachians that has recently had HOT bigfoot action.  As the area is proximate to the home range of the Founder, President, Chairman, Global Chairman, Global Warmer and Global Vanlines and was close to the real reason for the gathering, he and his lovely wife were in overall direction of the effort.  In total, nine different organizations were represented in this cutting edge demonstration of bigfootery cooperation and coordination.  In honesty, there were fifteen people on the trip and so all but Ms. BFE and I chose to found, form and declare themselves El’Presidente’s of their own new organizations.  The expedition was held over the July 4th holiday weekend.

Some of the cutting edge techniques used that can be released for the general knowledge of bigfootery included:

– use of fireworks, those seems to fascinate the sasquatch.  Results are pending detailed investigation to separate the ooohs and aaaahs of the participants from the possible calls of the bigfoot.

– sound blasting using the videos contained in a earlier post.  They were used to drive the creatures toward a series of camtrackers.  These instruments, being bigfoot kryptonite, further channelized and concentrated the target subjects toward a heavily used intersection where mayhem erupted when we scared up both a deer and a yote.

– liberal applications of adult debauchery in the hope of attracting attention from the creatures, but not the rangers and other LEOs.

– attaching colorful blobs of plastic to the roofs of cars and trucks.

Some of the groups that  RSVP’d a “hell yes”,  and even showed up:

Delawareans Interested in Cryptids and Karate, Ohio Cryptid Research Associate Partners, Appalachians Advancing  Cryptid Concerns, North American Association of Cryptids and Paranormalist, Western Appalachian Cryptid Organization, North Carolina Anthropological Associates, Gullible Bigfoot Field Reports R’Us and The Shuttle Bunnies.

A good time was had by all, except for Bruce who had a yard sale and a nasty swim.  Bigfoot stories shared?  Of Course.  Discussions of other creative methods?  By all means, yes.  Bigfoot evidence collected?  Yes.  We found where one had gotten sick, and been eating cheese doodles.  We also found a broken branch, but we suspect that was also Bruce as he has a bad habit of choosing dead limbs as hand holds when a bit tipsy.  We heard some vocalizations, but that may have been the neighbors reacting to the aforementioned fireworks show or call blasting.

“While I was in overall command of the expedition, this was really a team effort where everyone checked egos, organizational labels and good sense at the door.  While we may have only numbered just over a dozen, to have nine different bigfoot organizations join together for the common good of bigfootery was really amazing, unprecedented and I think earned us a place in the record books.  I would like to say we were people helping people, but it was more like a bunch of people trying to help former people, feral humans, whatever you think these mysterious things are.”

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