Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Nope, not these Killer Bees.  We are talking Killer B’s as in Bigfooters.   And before the killer part is taken out of context in a spate of Facebook post indignities, we do not mean actual killers.

Earlier this week someone bumped the hive of the killer bees.  These particular bees are carpetbaggers who have set up shop north of the Ohio.  And like the real killer bees, not those dudes above but the actual buzzin bees, once the hive was bumped with some legitimate criticism (that could of been constructive if they could check the ego) they came a swarming out of the hive to attack the bumper into submission.  Froggy neck, froggy’s sockpuppet and the drama queen came out immediately to sting.  Their comments were hilarious, but evidently someone was not so proud after the swarming mission was complete and the interloper was vanquished and they have been relegated to the Facebook page admin delete file.   There is some irony in a guy who claims a love for constitutional rights to trample the first amendment, but consistency and actually walking the talk seldom happens in bigfootery.

Read Full Post »

With a nod to the relatively new bigfootery tactic of cyber pan handling, we announce our entry into a fund us now campaign.  Using a multi-faceted approach of spam emails for unclaimed funds left by relatives who were mining engineers in Gabon, a new line of hats, t-s and a snappy coffee mug and the cyber panhandling currently popular, it is our goal to raise $27,099.  This breaks out into $25k for attorney retainers, $1199 for a new Jackson Zen yak and about $900 for outfitting, especially a new Rivrstyx. What will those that participate in our bigfootery cyber begging campaign get?  We guarantee that with that money we will get a picture.  It will be clear and beyond dispute.  It will be a photo of team BFE, so we are confident it will happen. Thanks for reading, give early and give often.  Give until your wife or significant other notices the money is gone and threatens to dope slap you.

Read Full Post »

Christmas has come and gone, let’s see the ideal gifts received by those on the naughty and nice list.

 

 

Nice

Bigfootery’s Courtney Love – as we said before,  unfiltered opinions voiced under the influence is sexy in a train wreck sort of way.

Gift Received – A hangover cure book – http://www.thriftbooks.com/w/50-ways-to-cure-a-hangover_cara-frost-sharratt/1187799/?isbn=1846014050&mkwid=LrWSUK76|dc&pcrid=63635728032&gclid=CIf3vtX-98ICFUtgMgodc3MAnw

The folks over at the Facebook coalition page, for culling the sewer that is Facebook bigfootery and providing us the best of the whackadoodles

Gift Received – Sasquatch Coffee – http://squatchcoffee.com/

Bob Gimlin – was he hoodwinked, or did it happen?  Not sure, but he is a gracious man to those that seek him out.

Gift Received – a time machine with 15 minutes on it in case he wants to go back and have a second chance to solve this enigma – in other words pull the trigger

Bobbie Short – RIP – for being a tireless chronicler of all things bigfoot.

Gift Received – time with the creator

Todd Disotell – for being open-minded, to some degree, pushing the boundaries of hairdom and providing some tips, reason and class on a show that was sorely lacking all of those elements.

Gift Received – some funky hair coloring gels

Naughty

Miss-Litigation – lifetime achievement award for being vindictive, not walking her talk and relying upon the churn for new admirers.

Gift Received – one of those MIB memory erasing flash pens to solve the problem of those who have been in  bigfootery long enough to see the whole sad saga.

Most all of Facebook Bigfootery –  for giving a voice and easy venue for the whackadoodles and their worshipful drones/enforcers/digital KGB

Gift Received – a new hobby that does not include a computer

The Carpet Baggers – for carpet bagging and having pockets that are deeper than their integrity and good sense.

Gift Received – A new marketing slogan – “Can’t attend another bigfoot conference because it is sold out, come to ours, lots of seats and elbow room.”

The Foot Doc – for reaching even higher levels of selling one’s bigfootery soul for dollars and exposure.

Gift Received – $500 k, invest it wisely and it should solve the burning desire to make bigfootery dollars.

Read Full Post »

In the spirit of the holidays – certainly not an exhaustive list:

Nice

Bigfootery’s Courtney Love – as we said before,  unfiltered opinions voiced under the influence is sexy in a train wreck sort of way.

The folks over at the Facebook coalition page, for culling the sewer that is Facebook bigfootery and providing us the best of the whackadoodles

Bob Gimlin – was he hoodwinked, or did it happen?  Not sure, but he is a gracious man to those that seek him out.

Bobbie Short – RIP – for being a tireless chronicler of all things bigfoot.

Todd Disotell – for being open-minded, to some degree, pushing the boundaries of hairdom and providing some tips, reason and class on a show that was sorely lacking all of those elements.

Naughty

Miss-Litigation – lifetime achievement award for being vindictive, not walking her talk and relying upon the churn for new admirers.

Most all of Facebook Bigfootery –  for giving a voice and easy venue for the whackadoodles and their worshipful drones/enforcers/digital KGB

The Carpet Baggers – for carpet bagging and having pockets that are deeper than their integrity and good sense.

The Foot Doc – for reaching even higher levels of selling one’s bigfootery soul for dollars and exposure.

The Frequent Quit but come back a few days/weeks/months later Dudes – pity me, beg me to come back, love me mommy.  If we cannot take your word as honor when you say, “I quit”, how can we respect anything else you have to say or do?

Read Full Post »

Myron had the following word problem in math:

You call a hotel to make a reservation for nine rooms, they say they have two different types of rooms each with nine openings.  The hotel also says they have other types of rooms, but not enough of those types to meet your reservation.  At a minimum how many rooms does the hotel have available?

Myron answers nine and does not pass the sixth grade proficiency test, but he does pass the Huckster test.

Read Full Post »

Blurring lines is big in bigfootery.  The hucksters have to swerve and spin often.

When you sue someone with, in our opinion, greed, unclean hands ( a legal term that  fit) and a mean spirit in your heart, and then utterly lose, you gotta blur some lines to salvage the situation.

When things are slow for the conference you promote you gotta blur the lines.   You tell the masses the lodging is almost sold out and you will end ticket sales in a week.  Fact is a search of the lodge shows two types of rooms with at least nine available (the highest number you can reserve at one time so there may be more) and weeks later you can still buy the wonka deal.  Blur the lines, certainly don’t mention there is a huge gospel event in the area driving lodging activity.   Huckstering at its’ best.

But those examples are beside the point of this post, we are contemplating if Mountain Monsters blurs the lines.  There are a number of “reality shows” that are blurring lines to various degrees, Amish Mafia comes to mind.  We just wonder what the deal is with Mountain Monsters.  They always have fresh intel, better than average “evidence” from witnesses and generally a bunch of action each week.  In a hit and miss bigfootery world, these guys hit home runs every week.  The Yahoo show was especially action packed in terms of tracks and the calls.  Same thing for the show before that one.  That gets us to thinking about if they are blurring lines.  Another hot topic has been if our Appalachian brothers are like the Amish, they stay clean-shaven until married and then grow a dope ass beard.  Enquiring minds, and all that.

We are also enjoying via the DVR Survivor man.  Les is eloquently framing the  thought process of someone facing the possibility that Sasquatch exists with great rationality.  The videography has also been really good in our opinion.  Standing, well we have run into his type, not that unusual in bigfootery.  The blurring line point, as a call back, is that some of the “bigfoot researchers” we have taken exception to in the past are very Standing like, although they don’t know it and would never admit it.

Read Full Post »

Subtitle this the dangers of thinking slightly out of the box and at the same time copying an idea from a TV show.

From the carpetbaggers  that brought bigfootery to the conference scene by telling attendees that a big name was going to attend, and withholding that information and pushing ticket sales days after they knew better, we now  have the experience.  Think of it as a guided haunted trail attraction where the one and only ghoul is bigfoot, well, hoaxed bigfoot.   Taking a page from the bounty, evidence (in this case hoaxed evidence) will be collected and the best capture of the hoax wins.  We anticipate hoaxed prints and somebody dashing around the woods in a gorilla suit.  Here’s an idea for them, get a gorilla mask and put some glow sticks in it, instant eye shine hoax.  Then cue the gorilla suit stage right.

Hoax’y conference hosting a hoax’y haunted trail  snipe walk, bigfootery gold.   But it is free, and worth every penny.  Yuck it up dudes.

 

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »