We still have some guarded hopes for this project, but… We did a connect the dots on who has fed samples and it gets a bit dodgy,including an F from the BBB. We noted the people suddenly coming out of the woodwork with leaks as they try to get a few moments of bigfootery fame (third or fourth level “bigfoot researcher” behavior), posturing by some on who is leading the project , not to mention the bear hunter story and the mongrel erectus – sapiens theory. There are a few boxes we left out of the grid for the moment, those boxes raise litigious concerns for the project in our opinion – giving rise to the spector of the disease we call litigious bufoonicis greedus interupticis indefinitelyicus.
We still hold out hope that this is the year of the sasquatch (actually we will be posting the summer squatchapalooza story in a week or so), but also expect some bigfootery gold before this effort comes to a conclusion. Here’s our crude connect the dots graphic circa early July, 2011. Just to cya, this graphic is based upon first hand, second-hand, mystery hand and Mr. Hand’s information, let’s call it purported.
Update: It would seem that some of the lines of relationship are more historical than contemporary as the infighting over this project is already making old friends adversaries. Bigfootery gold.
The Bigfooters Against Lying, Deception, Hoaxing, Intimidation, Cults and Klans has issued the Second Annual Clean-Up Bigfooting Awards. This year’s recipient of the Debunking – Notable Bigfoot Personality Award goes to The Bigfootery Enquirer for their expose of Don Keating’s claimed sighting. The very skilful use of Keating’s own words as he described his claimed encounter, combined with using scientific, provable meteorological facts to show that he had lied not once, but twice, earned this distinction. To have Keating on the record claiming both a timeframe and the moon was full when they proved that it was a new moon that had already set was the best debunking published in the last year. Capturing Keating’s words and the data for posterity via MS Moviemaker was also innovative in our eyes.
Other contenders for the award were Melissa Hovey and her work on the Michigan Recording Project and Steve Kulls for his Biscardi and the frozen bigfoot costume series. In both cases these presentation were lessened by a coloring of vendetta, and in one case culpability was an issue. They do, however, earn a honorable mention.
This is not a story about the UFO/Bigfoot connection, although that is a story we may explore at some juncture in the future.
This post is about the latest big news to come out of Caramel and crew. On his show this week, he mentioned yet another earth-shattering discovery that pulls in many of the great hallmarks of UFO’dom. More about that later.
Here is a little background for the loyal readers of the BFE. The story dates back a few decades to a hunting/camping trip in Arkansas. When electricity came to Arkansas, this story came to you ‘all. If someone can name that obscure reference, you get serious bonus points. But we digress.
The person Caramel interviewed claimed that he was out making dootie after some camping grub disagreed with him. As he was hiking up his pants after the deposit, he heard sounds and illuminated the source of said disturbance. Another digression, this is not the first time we have read of such an encounter, not sure if that is the genesis of this story or just another sign that a possible “Bigfooter Researcher” technique might include planting some night soil in the woods. It raises so many interesting questions, is the curiosity scent driven, is it sound driven, or do they just find humor in catching humans in a very compromising position? We can just imagine the expedition reports now; we established a base camp, built a fire and began to fry bacon as a smell attractant. Later we began a series of wood knock and calls, hung used female sanitary items at a height that only a huge undiscovered biped could reach and then took a healthy BM in the woods. Just be sure that if you employ a game tracker as part of your scatological strategy use the correct alignment. But then again, the Bully’s lie of a full moon could be documented if you end up with an infrared picture of your butt. But we seriously digress.
After illuminating said sound source, that turned out to be a bigfoot, the hunter/pooper in question proceeded to fire three shots from a handgun into the thing. The hunter/pooper claims to be an ex jar head, so we are thinking he was packing a 1911. At this point, the bigfoot got pissed, closed the distance and put the guy into your basic bear hug, perhaps to assure he had fully evacuated and would be comfortable later in the evening. The struggle that ensued included the hunter/pooper using his K-bar to stab and cut said creature that had violated his personal comfort zone. At that point, ala the beef jerky commercials, he was tossed. Following a blood trail, his friends eventually located him and they fled the area intending to return in the daylight. The next day they tracked the poor bigfoot to a place where it had expired from the ordeal. They gathered up the body, took it home and burned it.
Here is where the UFO’dom stuff comes in. Caramel does his usual I have met these guys, find them credible and we do have physical evidence that I have seen and touched. Seems we have heard that cry of wolf before. Then we hear Caramel doing a Rush-like rustling of paper and he proceeds to read a top-secret government memo – see, we said this story eventually enters the realm of UFO’dom – that directs a government agent to deliver a dire warning to the hunter/pooper and friends. Stay out of this area, do not disturb or further investigate the exotic wildlife, do not speak of the incident or there is authorization to terminate said offenders with prejudice are some of the highlights of the letter.
The story includes other government conspiracy hallmarks of UFO’dom, the MIB in a dark sedan and the mysterious and unauthorized theft, cleaning and repair of the hunter/pooper’s clothing. Note to mysterious government agents, last fall a bigfoot attacked my AIRE Puma raft and left some huge bite marks (not rock punctures) in the right side tube, if you want to steal it and repair it I am very cool with that idea. Caramel further brings in the UFO’dom angle by talking about mysterious government facilities in the area doing genetic research, calling the bigfoot a hybrid, even providing the name of the female and male bigfoot that were on the lamb but ain’t no sheep – more bonus points for being able to decode that obscure reference. The male’s name was very diabolical, but it escapes our memory. The hunter/pooper claims that even after such dire warnings they returned and were apprehended, spending a few days as guests of the mysterious government agents who interrogated them and employed such torture tactics as feeding them McD’s cheeseburgers. So much for habeas corpus when government bigfoot secrets are at risk.
The delicious coffee dunking pastry also claims that somehow decades old clumps of hair were squirreled away and he is optimistic that DNA can be extracted. I guess we will all have to hold on to our chairs, tune in, and follow this developing story. We shall see. The fable of the boy who cried wolf and a suspicion that Caramel has a marketing plan that includes a monthly flap of a new amazing study comes to mind. It is not as if he has ever overhyped a story or anything like that. Nope, not at all.
If you want to be an ear-witness, and lord help us there are many gullible, want to believe “Bigfoot Researchers” out there willing to put track record aside in the quest to be vindicated, the show can be accessed by following this link and clicking on the latest show, skip the first ten minutes or so it is the usual Biscotti BS.
Caramel Biscotti must have spent part of his Christmas glancing over his shoulder as he listens to the pitter patter of little tennis shoe feet gaining on him and the title of bigfootery’s biggest media whore. Media whores, to this author, are persons willing to sacrifice their own integrity and those of the greater bigfootery world in the interest of gaining some time in the media. Based upon earlier events of the year, and something that we found in the in-box over the weekend, the Bigfoot Bully, Donald Keating, is working hard to become Caramel’s equal in terms of being a bigfootery media whore.
Sometime in the last few weeks The Bully appeared on an episode of TODAY in his quest for stardom. It was a miserable failure for him and bigfootery. The segment has been youtube’d and appears below. It is a video of a TV screen, not amazing in quality, but enough to let you get the idea of the goat rope.
It seems Kathie Lee, proud parent who is not shy about media whoring her own kids and long suffering wife of Frank, and Hoda came to Ohio to do some footing and a hatchet job on bigfootery with a few choice insults for The Bully thrown in for good measure. Those two women are private plane flyin, Walmart cammo buyin, campy actin, WHOOO, WHOO – sorry, started channeling Ric Flair, favorite son and wrasslin promo cutter extraordinaire.
Anyways, after some standard B-roll footage of Meldrum and his prints it was off to Ohio. For the sake of brevity, here are our major observations:
– Keating was dressed in his faux suede jacket, polo shirt and tennis shoes. From what we hear, as Keating’s version of field research is conducted within 100′ of a lighted picnic shelter, his field wardrobe is pretty typical. Yep, long bushwhacking hikes in tennis shoes and suede are the gear every good field researcher needs.
– Kathie Lee and Hoda were campy, but I guess that is the message they wanted to deliver, bigfootery is really not worth taking seriously.
– Note to the Bully Keating, if you are the one instructing the gals in the finer aspects of bigfoot research, stopping them from standing on opposite sides of a tree and beating on it might have been a good idea. If the end of Kathie Lee’s stick had broken, Hoda would have been eating wood, and then not eating for a few weeks. That was plain dumbass move to allow them to do that, but I suspect some who watched were hoping for catastrophic wood failure after seeing enough to know where this segment was headed.
– Keating revisited the location of his claimed sighting where he said he saw the bigfoot by the light of a full moon, this is the sighting The Bigfootery Enquirer revealed earlier this year as a lie/hoax as the moon was neither full or above the horizon at the time. No mention of the moon or that it was at night during his appearance. Want to learn more about this particular Bully lie, you can consult this post. His second sighting, the now you see it now you don’t sighting , was not mentioned. But a new one from the park was, eye shine, how convenient and inconclusive.
– Remarking to Keating about his “wasted life” was a thank goodness I was not drinking when I saw that moment. The scene from the Godfather “act like a man” came to mind, Keating just wimped through it with a shrug. Hey, The Bully could have remarked, I make more in one day during my annual conference than you made on those crappy cruise line commercial, Kathie.
– After watching, three staff members of The Bigfootery Enquirer all had a similar question about Kathie Lee, bald eagle jones?
To wrap up, The Bigfoot Bully, Don Keating, managed to definitely join the ranks of Caramel Biscotti as a bigfootery media whore. Keating managed to allow them to make a fool of him and bigfootery in general, but he got what he wanted which was some publicity. We suspect that between Moon TV and now NBC, any media outlet looking for someone who is gullible, has no honor, is someone willing to be paraded out for embarrassment of themself and bigfootery in general, and someone who will work cheap will have Keating in their Rolodex as the bigfootery village idiot on call.
After a bit of positive press in W.Va. for Sasquatch Watch of Va., Carmine heads east and just happens to get a lead on a video in an adjoining state while he is out there. More press, more superlatives and suddenly he has found a video even better than P&G. His “crew” is amazed by it and he now represents the owner of the video. Just more of the monthly buzz to see if it gets better traction than the nail, the photoshopped pics or the last ground breaking video? Time will tell but this road seems awfully familiar.
The Bigfootery Enquirer 