It was a brutal Sunday and Monday at the Beast of the East. One had to look hard to ignore the possible implications for what we choose to do as recreation and extra employment. But two of us will be back at it again on Saturday.
You combine the two losses last weekend with developments in bigfootery this week and yet another reason to stay unknown in bigfootery is clear. The grim reaper of bigfootery, the anthracite man, was quickly at it this week when a person we would consider a third level “bigfoot researcher” passed away. By staying anonymous we think we will keep the pale rider of cryptozoology from generating a few clicks by riding on our coffin.
Yes, it’s a weird thought for today. The grim reaper stuff has bothered some of us and been the topic of conversations before. Combine that topic with ma nature deciding to deliver a rude mortality smack down and you have the makings of an odd thought pattern that really does lead to a sensible conclusion on the advantage of staying in the shadows of bigfootery.
Lower level “Bigfoot Researchers” should come to know and love the term blobsquatch. Blobsquatch is a term that can give you bigfootery street cred. Remember the tip about learning the jargon. Blobsquatches have the following qualities:
They are often presented on crappy “Bigfoot Researcher” websites as either the real deal, or the crafty carney barker “Bigfoot Researcher” will present them with either “decide yourself” or “other people say it is bigfoot” proviso’s although he/she is not making such a claim.
They are often still pictures, but sometimes entire blobsquatch videos are presented.
They often come with a red circle surrounding the actual blobsquatch, extra blogsquatch points are earned by circling individual limbs, and features of the face. And yes, I once saw a blobsquatch that had a sexual organ circled, that blobsquatch was hung like an oak tree.
The blobsquatch often is very difficult to discern, hence the red circle, but has some visual attributes that imply a form.
Blobsquatches are most frequently presented in brushy or forested areas, open area blobsquatches seemingly appear at great distances.
Ask 10 “Bigfoot Researchers” what they see and you will get a number of opinions, blobsquatches require imagination, a zealous belief and a bit of analytical skills.
So, what are blobsquatches?
Rocks, stumps, trees, roots and shadows that resemble the elusive bigfoot.
Hoax attempts.
People who are mistakenly or purposely presented as the elusive bigfoot.
Actual bad, or at least the best that could be taken given the circumstances, photographs of the elusive bigfoot.
If you fancy yourself a field “Bigfoot Researcher” and you are caught up in the spirit and fright of the moment, and a deep desire to finally see something, you will eventually find yourself confronted by a blobsquatch. I remember an early time when I was in an area of supposed “hot” activity glassing hillsides when I ran into my first blobsquatch. It was a holy shit moment, let me tell you. This stump was perfectly proportioned and had an amazing profile from head to butt to be a bigfoot. It looked exactly as one would imagine a bigfoot resting on its haunches would look like. On the blobsquatch scale of 1-10, it was a 8. After five minutes of watching it remain essentially motionless I did what all enterprising blobsquatch observers must do. First, take a picture of it, then take another just to be safe you had everything set up right. And when in doubt check it out. One reads so many reports of “Bigfoot Researchers” where they run away instead of walking toward the elusive bigfoot, that always amazes me. Once you reach the object the mystery will be solved, if there is no object there take another picture. At least you will have some evidence that what you photographed was animate in some fashion. Then return to the original location of your picture and look, if it is again gone, take another picture. If it is still there, take another picture, you have probably captured a trick of shadow, light and/or moving foliage.
Here are a few ways to minimize the impact of blobsquatches.
Do not put your camcorder or camera on auto focus. Invariably those features do not auto focus upon the elusive bigfoot, instead the brush and trees the blobsquatch is hiding behind will be in crystal clarity, while the elusive bigfoot will not.
As said previously, when in doubt, check it out.
Do not post the picture or video to a bigfoot website, yet alone attempt to sell it or air it on a TV show, with the proviso that you are making no claims that it is the elusive bigfoot and people need to decide for themselves. This is intellectually dishonest and the actions of a carney barker.
If you feel compelled to present the picture, do not circle the object of interest.
And now a few blobsquatches for your viewing pleasure.
Traditional Blobsquatch
And one more.
Not one, but many elusive bigfoot(s)
I had hoped to add a you-tube clip from the Monster Hunter series as one clip is a blobsquatch and the independent photographic analyst even uses that term, but unfortunately A&E evidently patrols you-tube looking for use violations.
This is a cautionary tale for the aspiring second and above level “Bigfoot Researcher”. It may not apply to those fourth and fifth level “Bigfoot Researchers” because they seek fame, and sometimes fortune, through bigfootery. But for any “Bigfoot Researcher” who has an identity or aspirations that transcend this little niche known as bigfootery, take note.
Let’s be honest, the “Bigfoot Researcher” is seen by the vast majority of people as a kook. They chase after a legend and rub elbows with some odd characters. 2008 was not kind to the “Bigfoot Researcher”, the widespread coverage of the Ga. bigfootcicle and how it quickly fell apart was one of many stories that had the general public laughing at bigfootery. To the regular joe, “Bigfoot Researchers” and tornados have alot in common, they both have an affinity for trailer parks.
This Coldstone Creamery commercial features both a bigfoot hunter and a “Bigfoot Researcher”. Aspiring “Bigfoot Researchers” should realize the persons portrayed are a reasonable representation of the public perception of people involved in bigfootery.
To complicate matters for the “Bigfoot Researcher” there is www – bigfootery. The web will capture your identity and maintain it for many, many years. There are places that archive websites, pages, articles, pictures and all manner of content that makes it to the world wide web. Some of these places are a boon to The Bigfootery Enquirer, as words, deeds and pictures are readily available for harvest. In the future you will see how these things can come back to haunt “Bigfoot Researcher” mavens. You may be asking yourself, so what if www-bigfootery prominently displays me as a “Bigfoot Researcher”? Two things come to mind. Individuals use google and search engines to find out about people, whether they be a potential date, a neighbor, a co-worker, an in-law or a fellow member of a church or other social group. Even more serious is the fact that potential employers or customers may search your name on the web and on networking locations like myspace. Could such a find kill a job offer? Perhaps. It would be interesting to survey hiring managers to see if finding a video of someone hunting bigfoot was more injurious to the person’s reputation as opposed to say a video of the person intoxicated and playing beer pong. Again, if you life is so limited that becoming a media star in bigfootery is a goal you crave, then it is no problem. But if your life extends well beyond this odd endeavor, then one must be wary of the Scarlet B. I end this post with a link to an article from the person who coined the concept of the Scarlet B, it is instructive and illuminating for the “Bigfoot Researcher”. You can’t say you have not be warned.
The Bigfootery Enquirer 