This is not a story about the UFO/Bigfoot connection, although that is a story we may explore at some juncture in the future.
This post is about the latest big news to come out of Caramel and crew. On his show this week, he mentioned yet another earth-shattering discovery that pulls in many of the great hallmarks of UFO’dom. More about that later.
Here is a little background for the loyal readers of the BFE. The story dates back a few decades to a hunting/camping trip in Arkansas. When electricity came to Arkansas, this story came to you ‘all. If someone can name that obscure reference, you get serious bonus points. But we digress.
The person Caramel interviewed claimed that he was out making dootie after some camping grub disagreed with him. As he was hiking up his pants after the deposit, he heard sounds and illuminated the source of said disturbance. Another digression, this is not the first time we have read of such an encounter, not sure if that is the genesis of this story or just another sign that a possible “Bigfooter Researcher” technique might include planting some night soil in the woods. It raises so many interesting questions, is the curiosity scent driven, is it sound driven, or do they just find humor in catching humans in a very compromising position? We can just imagine the expedition reports now; we established a base camp, built a fire and began to fry bacon as a smell attractant. Later we began a series of wood knock and calls, hung used female sanitary items at a height that only a huge undiscovered biped could reach and then took a healthy BM in the woods. Just be sure that if you employ a game tracker as part of your scatological strategy use the correct alignment. But then again, the Bully’s lie of a full moon could be documented if you end up with an infrared picture of your butt. But we seriously digress.
After illuminating said sound source, that turned out to be a bigfoot, the hunter/pooper in question proceeded to fire three shots from a handgun into the thing. The hunter/pooper claims to be an ex jar head, so we are thinking he was packing a 1911. At this point, the bigfoot got pissed, closed the distance and put the guy into your basic bear hug, perhaps to assure he had fully evacuated and would be comfortable later in the evening. The struggle that ensued included the hunter/pooper using his K-bar to stab and cut said creature that had violated his personal comfort zone. At that point, ala the beef jerky commercials, he was tossed. Following a blood trail, his friends eventually located him and they fled the area intending to return in the daylight. The next day they tracked the poor bigfoot to a place where it had expired from the ordeal. They gathered up the body, took it home and burned it.
Here is where the UFO’dom stuff comes in. Caramel does his usual I have met these guys, find them credible and we do have physical evidence that I have seen and touched. Seems we have heard that cry of wolf before. Then we hear Caramel doing a Rush-like rustling of paper and he proceeds to read a top-secret government memo – see, we said this story eventually enters the realm of UFO’dom – that directs a government agent to deliver a dire warning to the hunter/pooper and friends. Stay out of this area, do not disturb or further investigate the exotic wildlife, do not speak of the incident or there is authorization to terminate said offenders with prejudice are some of the highlights of the letter.
The story includes other government conspiracy hallmarks of UFO’dom, the MIB in a dark sedan and the mysterious and unauthorized theft, cleaning and repair of the hunter/pooper’s clothing. Note to mysterious government agents, last fall a bigfoot attacked my AIRE Puma raft and left some huge bite marks (not rock punctures) in the right side tube, if you want to steal it and repair it I am very cool with that idea. Caramel further brings in the UFO’dom angle by talking about mysterious government facilities in the area doing genetic research, calling the bigfoot a hybrid, even providing the name of the female and male bigfoot that were on the lamb but ain’t no sheep – more bonus points for being able to decode that obscure reference. The male’s name was very diabolical, but it escapes our memory. The hunter/pooper claims that even after such dire warnings they returned and were apprehended, spending a few days as guests of the mysterious government agents who interrogated them and employed such torture tactics as feeding them McD’s cheeseburgers. So much for habeas corpus when government bigfoot secrets are at risk.
The delicious coffee dunking pastry also claims that somehow decades old clumps of hair were squirreled away and he is optimistic that DNA can be extracted. I guess we will all have to hold on to our chairs, tune in, and follow this developing story. We shall see. The fable of the boy who cried wolf and a suspicion that Caramel has a marketing plan that includes a monthly flap of a new amazing study comes to mind. It is not as if he has ever overhyped a story or anything like that. Nope, not at all.
If you want to be an ear-witness, and lord help us there are many gullible, want to believe “Bigfoot Researchers” out there willing to put track record aside in the quest to be vindicated, the show can be accessed by following this link and clicking on the latest show, skip the first ten minutes or so it is the usual Biscotti BS.
The Bigfootery Enquirer 